*slowly shoves entire pizza slice in my mouth without ever breaking eye contact*
whorville: I love how in French you don’t really say eighty. You say quatre-vingts. Which means 4 20s. Blaze it
I remember on my 4th grade field trip ...... →
the-absolute-funniest-posts: gay-nations: I remember on my 4th grade field trip my class was standing on a hill and my teacher said “lets roll out” and I was like oh ok so I stared rolling down the hill and I had to hold my teachers hand for the rest of the day This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.
my mom says that when the street lights turn on, so does the danger
giraffepoliceforce: If people are really going to assume that guys with long hair are gay and girls with short hair are lesbians then I am going to assume that all bald men are actually eagles.
thetextpostsblog: dont hate the player, hate the controller, this shit is broken i swear to god i jumped bro
on a math test: 2+2
me: use calculator just in case
hamburgay: “beauty sleep” is such bullshit I sleep 12 hours a day and I still look like a trashcan
textpostsrus: i just asked my brother where he hid the nutella he said “i’m nutelling you”
why cant I have a hot neighbor who ends up falling in love with me and we sneak out together and meet up in front of our yards
thecompanionsdoctor: gotmyticketouttaloserville: littlesammythemoose: “god hates fags” It’s funny because only British people will get it yes only British people know British slang. no one else. no one.
Plot twist: I get a boyfriend
Double plot twist: it's a celebrity
Triple plot twist: he had a choice in the matter
Quadruple plot twist: it wasn't a dream
If I'm comfortable with you, I'll:
spac3-cadet: call you names tell you weird and personal details about myself say “I NEED TO PEE” instead of just brb type in caps a lot. If i’m extra comfortable with you I’ll do all that and: talk casually about porn and really perverted thoughts share funny photos from my tumblr dash actually tell you when i’m upset try to make conversation with you just generally act really silly...
life-of-alvarez: so apparently telling the joke “How do you make holy water?.. By taking regular water and boiling the hell out of it” is not an appropriate thing to do during a church service
marinasexual: story time i got my first period on april fools day & no one in my house believed me so i sat in my bathroom all day crying
therealflashette: It takes 21 days to form a habit? I’ve been going to school for 2,500 days and I still give up every morning
oomshi: vegay: dONT BE A TEACHER IF U DON’T LIKE FUCKING KIDS???? this can be taken two ways
Its not a party until someone cries about a boy not liking them
can’t wait for the release of jurassic park 4D where they just let dinosaurs loose in the theater and you have to try to survive for 2 hours
i-am-e-n-c-h-a-n-t-e-d: svviffer: girlhearted: svviffer: why cant our skin be transparent cuz thats fuckin gross but imagine how cool it would be to see your heart do the thing The thing
long distance relationships aren’t so bad if ur dick is long enough 2 reach ur girl hahaha swag
“weren’t you wearing that shirt yesterday?”
teens who get expensive brand new cars as soon as they get their license
motherfuckingsamulet: conor-cymex: mydogsnokes: i will not buy flowers for a girl because flowers are stupid and worthless and they die like really fast. get a girl a rock. rocks are strong. rocks don’t die after 2 days diamond the word you’re looking for is diamond hell no, diamonds are expensive as fuck. Just a nice solid chunk of granite will do.
do u ever go to school confident in what ur wearing and then u actually get there and ur kind of just like wow well this was an awful idea
I was looking at my friend’s cat pictures and she has a cat that’s more attractive than some human girls… I WASN’T KIDDING